OVEREXTENDED

I have to say that I have felt twenty years older the last week or so. Jeff actually purchased a heating pad because my back was spasming. That is so not good. Although I could act like this is surprising, I really have run myself ragged. I am in the finishing stages of my friend's bridesmaid's dress, and there's a level of pride in what I have accomplished, because I know that I have taken my time and I was meticulous in the construction of the dress. HOWEVER, it's really hard to feel joy when you feel like you're not appreciated.

I rushed to her mother's house on Wednesday night to do the final fitting, and I find her sitting on the piano bench playing kissy face with her husband. And in my head I'm screaming "DO YOU THINK YOU"RE THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH HER HUSBAND!!!!" Practically every spare moment I had was put into that stupid dress, and she acts like this thing has come down from the clouds already made. ANNOYING.

Of course the sparkly satin green thing doesn't fit her. She's like, "Oh my, aren't I a plump little pigeon?" and I'm like, "No, but you are a pain in my plump little hiney". I had to separate myself from everyone and I just sat saying, "OK, alright, OK, alright".....just trying to think of the best way to tackle this monstrosity that was slowly becoming the bane of my existence.

I ended up having to take out the back and side seams and making 1/4 inch seam allowances as opposed to the 5/8 seam allowances that most clothing pattern require. It fits perfectly now, with a little extra room just in case she decides to eat a hamburger between now and August 30th. Was there a thank you involved? Nope. Seriously, though. Seriously.

So, I know, I can be a pushover, I should stand up for myself, I should tell her to blow it out her..........well, you know. But it's not in my nature. There are times I really want to, I mean REALLY, REALLY want to, but I have a difficult time being mean to people. EVEN when people are mean to me. There is that second where my body is in reactionary mode, and most people know to watch out if I allow myself to stay in that zone. But I have this switch that just shuts me down before I have the chance to lay into the person who has ticked me off.

I don't usually let myself get confrontational, because if I know myself. If I'm feeling confrontational, I'm probably going to be really loud, and pretty aggressive, and I don't back down when I get to that point. And then I run the strong possibility of hurting somebody....which I don't want to do. So I take a lot, and maybe I shouldn't. but c'est la vie. It's how I'm built.

And honestly, I also like challenging myself, and getting this dress done was a challenge, so, whatever. I bring on my own punishment. I'm crying myself a river. Moving on......

Saturday night, I went over to Nana's house. Nana is a 93 year old lady who I usually sit and knit with on Mondays but I've been so busy, I haven't been able to go. She's lonely and pretty much sits in her chair all day long watching TV Land, knitting baby hats and crocheting trim on socks. Because of overextending myself this week, I really wasn't in the mood to go over to Nana's, because it can be a little tiring. It's just another one of those moments where you realize that your time is not your own because someone else needs something from you. SO, needless to say, I felt a little aggravated.

And then, lo and behold, life showed me why I should just shut up, because I had a really good time sitting with her, and I'll tell you why. Nana makes me feel needed. When I walked into her house, she put out both of her arms and hugged and kissed me and said, "I have missed you something awful. Where did you go?" Good grief. I felt this pang of sadness in my stomach. Where did I go?

Being in her nineties, things are a little fuzzy for her, so her mind almost "loops"....meaning she will say something, and then ten minutes later, we're having the same conversation. So we talked about her childhood, and her bootlegging father, and the "new" episodes of M*A*S*H (thank God I love TV Land too; if not I wouldn't be able to talk to her about her shows!). She tells me when she had her stroke, and how the hospital can check her pace maker over the phone.

Then she says, " I thought of you every day and I wanted you to have this", and she handed me this beautiful doll that she had made clothes for. Ummmm........and yup.....I love her.



Anyhoo, I finished the gargantuan socks I was working on, and Jeff's sasquatch of a dad totally loved them. Best of all, they fit, which is awesome because if they hadn't, I simply would have set them on fire. Remember, I'm a camper now. I can start a fire. Hehe.
So, now I'm off, working on the vest I'm hoping I can have done for Jeff's mother's birthday......two and half weeks from now. Yeah, goals are a good thing.....right? What am I going to title my next blog? OVEREXTENDED - PART TWO? I'm such a tool!!

-T