THE ROOT IS ON FIRE

I haven't written in a while and I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I really didn't want to look back and see how many days I actually went being a stressed out ball of yuck. It's difficult being in a constant state of mind where you feel like you are compromising your own right to happiness for the happiness of others.

I may be more sensitive than I would like to be, but I have learned to appreciate my sensitivity. I find that it's probably the only thing that keeps me human and somewhat sane. And it's the same thing that makes me vulnerable. A double edged sword. I had a friend tell me that I care too much. "People hurt you because you care too much." I"m not really sure there is such a thing as caring too much. But I do know that there is such a thing as respect and love and friendship and appreciation. You know...the stuff they teach you in kindergarten.

So, quite frankly, the last month I found myself looking for the genuine acts of respect and love and friendship and appreciation, and felt like I came up short. Why would I write about it? What's the point of dwelling on something that I can not change......especially when I know that I am not responsible for that change. I can only change the way I react to the negative things I encounter in my own life and hope that I can grow.

Anyhoo, on a completely positive note, I finished my swap with my new friend Julie, and she really seemed to love the package that I put together for her. There is something really exhilarating about gathering goodies for a person you know very little about and hoping that your instincts are right.

She sent me these beautifully knit napkin holders, two knitting mystery novels, which totally rock because I am a mystery wacko, the cutest little lamb and yarn stamp and ink pad, candies, cheese stitch markers, gorgeous yarn, a crochet hedgehog kit, a toy for my muppy puppies, praline candies and gummy lobsters that Jeff devoured upon open seeing them. Oh, and a beading magazine and some beads, which I think I will turn into stitch markers.....for myself of course, because I think I should make something for myself. And the greatest thing is that she only lives about forty minutes away ( I think) so we are planning on having lunch sometime soon and meeting in person! Fun, fun!!!

Of course because I'm a tool, I say "fun, fun" and the party pooper part of my brain reminds me that I have to take the stupid antibiotic that has been making me feel sick for the last three days and schedule an appointment for the root canal that I need to have done on my second molar. Yippee for me!! Ugh! You know, sometimes I really wished I had a one tracked mind! Or at least a mind that made a little bit of sense. Could you imagine me playing that word association game? You know, the one where someone says a word and you say the first thing that comes to your mind. It would go something like this:


Word: Yarn
My Answer: Knitting

Word: Knitting
My Answer: Swapping

Word: Swapping
My Answer: Julie

Word: Julie
My Answer: Pralines (Yummmmm!!)

Word: Pralines
My Answer: Sweet (Double Yum!!)

Word: Sweet
My Answer: Toothache (umm....what?)

Word: Tootache
My Answer: Infection (ugh)

Word: Infection
My Answer: Root Canal

You see!!! I'm nuts! I went from Yarn to Root Canal!! Hehe. Oh well. That's me, I guess. Kookoocachoo! At least I feel more like myself than I have in a while which is a good thing because when I am myself, I find that my smile hangs around for a long time, despite the occassional dischords.

-T